The past few weeks have been full of joy. I was on a natural high from everything that was happening and lining up in my life. There was a peace that filled my heart, letting me know that I am where I need to be right now. I gave up the stress of worrying about my future while consciously making day to day decisions to live the life I desire. So what happened?
The reality of the world we live in hit me like a ton of bricks. I awaited for the news of Darren Wilson’s indictment for the murder of Mike Brown like most of the world. I would like to say I was surprised by the announcement that there would be no indictment, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t. And that’s what hurts. Because if I were surprised then there would be more hope than fear for the lives of my 4 boys that will one day be young men.
I haven’t made many comments about the outcome or even the current protest. I had a long conversation with a friend of mine about how I was feeling. My faith was tested, my peace was not still and my joy hadn’t come in the morning. I couldn’t understand the thoughts of Darren Wilson’s supporters. I said, “They can’t believe in and pray to the same God that I do. And how much longer do we [African Americans] have to keep praying before things change? Surely someone’s prayer was answered and they were given some mandate or instructions as to what to do.” His response was, “All we can do is make sure that we do what we were sent here to do”. And while I want to do and be all that I was sent here for, his response still wasn’t enough. But the more I began to dwell on it, the more I was robbed of my peace and joy.
One thing is for sure, you have to protect your peace and joy. I understand now more than ever the importance of a daily spiritual practice. The power of meditation and visualizing your peaace, joy and happiness and literally pulling it into your day. And sometimes you just have to still away, shut down and silence all the noise until your sould is replenished. So while I hold my peace, please know that I am striving to do all that I know to do in my corner of this world to bring change.
I show my scars so that others know they can heal.” Someone needs to see your scars!
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