Financial Abuse: Is He Holding the Bank or Breaking The Bank?


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Economic abuse or financial abuse is not often discussed or understood but is often present in relationships that have a history of domestic violence.  It is in fact a form of domestic abuse and can manifest in many forms within a relationship.  In some cases, a partner may refuse to work a job or contribute financially.  Then there are situations where one partner restricts the other from being employed outside of the home. This behavior creates a dependency and a position of power, sometimes making it hard to leave the relationship.  The dependent partner fears not being able to make it without the other’s financial support. While the other partner may reinforce that fear by saying thinks like, “you won’t have anything without me” or “you need me”.

Here are (7) red flags that you may be experiencing financial abuse:

  1. Partner refuses to work or makes excuses.
  2. Partner steals money.
  3. Partner refuses to allow you to work.
  4. Partner makes you hand over your paycheck.
  5. Partner limits your access to money i.e. puts you on an allowance.
  6. Partner monitors your spending.
  7. Partner constantly borrows money with no means or intentions of paying it back.

Dealing with financial abuse, it can keep a person on a roller coaster.  You have to know when to cut your losses and move on.

“Building relationships of accountability and trust with all roads leading to love.”  RATL


3 comments on “Financial Abuse: Is He Holding the Bank or Breaking The Bank?

  1. Very good point and one that people don’t recognize as abuse. I was 42 when I met my ex and had always been self supporting and had raised my son on my own, been a home owner, and had in fact been the higher wage earner in most of my relationships. when he and I got together I thought I’d met my soul mate, everything was wonderful. He wanted to “take care’ of me and I made the conscience decision to not be so independent and let a man treat me well. Big mistake.

    Before I knew what was happening he was sabotaging my vehicle so I couldn’t work, then he started demanding I pay him for every dime he had every spent on me, all of a sudden I owed him for “gifts” he had given me, he monitored every dime I spent but didn’t account for his spending. He managed to make me miss every job interview, within a year moving in together I was totally reliant on him for everything. He destroyed my business, my vehicle didn’t run and I was thousands in debt for repair bills. The verbal abuse got worse and worse and then the physical abuse started. I left a broken woman with nothing but my clothes. Its been two years and I am still struggling just to keep a roof over my head. I am 54 and don’t have alot of years before retirement; its scary.

    • I went through something similar. He refused to work and attempted to sabotage my jobs as well. Even after we went our separate ways he would threaten to call my employer to try to get me fired. We have children together but now I limit my contact.

      • That is one thing I am thankful for; we didn’t have children together and I didn’t have children living at home during the time I was with him.
        My ex was a heavy duty mechanic, drove transport trucks and was an instructor, plus had his welding ticket yet he coulsn’t keep a job more than a few months. He injure himself on purpose, steal, or not show up and get fired, I would get a job and he would sabotage my vehicle and I coyldn’t work. We always ended up living way out in the country where there were no buses, or close neighbours. I think he was afraid to let me out of his sight yet treated me like he loathed me. I was so beaten down I doubt I ever would have left if it wasn’t for his sister who stayed with us and told me I had to get out because she was afraid hrs was going to kill me.

        He went straight from me to a widow and has had at least 10 different jobs in a year and 1/2 and been injured for 3 months. she lent him $20,000 in the first 3 months they were together, she will never see that money. I feel sorry for her. He comes on so sweet and sensitive, very handsome, and just sweeps the women off their feet with his charm and once he has them he is Jeckl and Hyde.
        A psychopath. Very scary man. You have a very good informative site here I will be back to read more as time permits.

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