“How could you?” Those were the words that came through the phone. No hello or how are you, instead loud sobs and a voice that I knew was not going to let me hear the end of it. “Why would you do this to me?” I thought to myself, why does everything have to be about you. For once, I made a decision for me. I found a way to move on, a way to forgive, a way to let go and I wasn’t apologizing for it. My mother and I did not speak for almost three months. It made it hard for me to promote or discuss my book because I felt like all the work I had done had backfired. I began to doubt God. I would pray and cry out to God, “I know you gave me this to write. I trusted you. For once I found a way to surrender my life over into your hands and release the guilt and shame from my past but I feel horrible.”
After the completion of Sunday Mourning, it sat completed for months. I felt like the writing was the process that God wanted to take me through and as I wrote, I felt the layers of hurt and pain that had rested on my heart begin to be lifted. God was removing the weights and baggage that I had carried for years. I was satisfied but God was not finished with me. “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6 I soon began to post excerpts from my book and every time I post someone would leave a comment. The comments were tugging at me, letting me know that I had to finish what I had started. Soon after, I published. The reviews, emails, comments and messages let me know that my testimony was not just for me.
Fast forward to now, I can remember the day like it was yesterday when my mother called me and told me thank you. She told me thank you for freeing me. I had showed her that it was okay to forgive. I showed her that forgiving someone didn’t mean they were right but you give up the right to let the hurt and pain control you. Generational curses are real, we pass on hurt in so many ways. If we are not careful an entire generation then takes on our issues and they become bigger than the previous generation’s. I have a better relationship with my mother now than I have ever had. “Find a way to tell YOUR story so that each time you tell it a piece of you is healed.” ~ Oprah
My mourning is now joy and I am celebrating the one year release of Sunday Mourning from July 14th – July 24th. There are 7 slots still available. If you are interested in being a host click here for more details.
“I show my scars so that others know they can heal.”