I might as well continue on the path that I’ve been on. I messed up big time and nothing or no one can fix this mess that I’ve created. I’ve done things that I can’t even tell my closest friend(s). I can’t even bring myself to write my struggles on the pages of my journal. I’ve been hanging skeletons in my closest for years and one more sure wouldn’t hurt. My heart is heavy and full of shame.
I don’t know about you, but for years this replayed over and over in my mind, until it got deep down in my heart. I was convinced that I wasn’t worthy of being forgiven and was too full of shame to even ask for prayer. But each time a skeleton was added to my closest, a piece of me died with it. The enemy comes but to kill, steal and destroy. The shame that the enemy planted robbed me of a life that God had promised. But I am so thankful he took out some time with me at the well.
I was tired of self-inflicting pain to cover up the guilt and shame of yesterdays mistakes. I was seeking truth and healing. When I got honest with Him, He got honest with me. Lord I don’t know why I can’t forgive. Why am I looking for love in all the wrong places or why I am looking for an answer at the bottom of that bottle? He told me I had been trying to fix things on my own long enough. The hardest thing for me to do was to surrender the hurt, rejection and bitterness over to Him.
Some things we just have to get over and stop trying to go through. Forgiveness requires us to get over “it”. Forgiveness is an act of surrendering, surrendering the bitterness, judgement and hurt over to God and believing that in the end all things will work together for your good. The more I began to drink from the well, the lighter my load became. The shame of my past could no longer bind me. I find myself back at that well often. I’m just thankful that now I know where to go and He continues to meet me each and every time.
“The woman then left her waterpot, and went her way into the city, and saith to the men, Come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ?” John 4:28-29