The Silent Cry…

For the past 18 months, I have suffered quietly.  I have encouraged myself when things didn’t seem like they would ever change.  I have silently cried when I couldn’t find the words to pray.  I put all my trust in God and took my eyes off the circumstances, maintaining my focus on him.  To suffer alone is hard, not knowing if people would understand what I have been through or would even cast judgement.  Since my focus was on God, I didn’t mind sharing.  I suffered through what many families, mothers and children suffer through daily.  For those of you who read my book, I thank you for allowing me to share with you a crucial time in my life, that changed things and changed me.  I don’t take it lightly.

Yesterday, I once again had to deal with the consequences of the decision I made last year.  I received a phone call that kind of got me upset, actually angry.  I mean four days before I return to court and my Attorney lets me know that there are still some things that need to be taken care of or we can ask for a continuance.  A continuance to the 18 months that I have already suffered.  It was not myself who dropped the ball but him.  Why should my children and I continue to suffer?  I also had to realize that everyone, even those who say they are, is not for me. 

Last night, I came across a blog titled, The Anger of Yesterday, which made me think.  I gave this situation over to God last year.  I knew that it would be a battle, because the ending would be the greatest victory.  So why am I angry?  Have I taken this situation back on as a burden for me to carry?  Why am I attempting to fight a battle with my own might?   “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of  God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7

I am glad that it is my “anger of yesterday” because I am not allowing it to affect my today.  No matter what the outcome, I am already a victor in Christ.  From my greatest trial, God has revealed my purpose.  So it was over before it even began.  “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known unto God.” Philippians 4:6

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